First Impressions

    Flying into the airport, it looked like any other.  A long runway made of some road material, planes of all sizes scattered about, and an airport to pull up to and unload.  Placed in the Dominican Republic.

    Entering the airport, I now knew it was different.  Small, so full of people it was cramped, and a little scary since I had never traveled outside of the U.S. before.  My first mission trip.  If I can just pass inspection.  The only impression to make was that they thought I was respectful to them and that I looked like my passport picture.

    Before leaving we had learned about how things might look different or might be different from what we are used to.  Meeting our ride, the taxi was already different.  Driving was an adventure of its own.  If you honk more and are bigger (thank goodness we were) then you get to go first on the road. 

    Lots of run down houses and trash everywhere you look.  This is my first encounter with this tropical place.  You think tropical and great vacations in fancy resorts on beautiful beaches enter your mind.  This was not the picture I was seeing.  How can we make any difference for people who have to live here?

    The hotel room looks like any I have been in except for the tile only floor.  Home for the next week.  Looks like it will be o.k.  Later to find out that hot water is over rated.  And toilets only flush when they feel like it. 

    Meeting the kids in the first village lined with shacks was like meeting kids anywhere I have ever been.  They enjoyed the same games, fought with each other, played with each other, and ignored their parent's plea to come home for lunch.  They had different skin color and went home to no air conditioning, but they were like all kids I knew.

    I quickly learned that I was in another world with different social rules to follow (especially being a woman) and different ideas of homes, how to travel (many motor bikes), and how schools ran.  However, families are families.  They have parents who care for their kids, schools for them to learn in, and daily routines to follow.  I only hoped that we were able to bring Jesus into their life for the short time we were there.

    First impressions don't always reveal all that is there.  It would have been easy to go back to the comfort we were used to.  Oh, but what we would have missed out on by not meeting these kids with big dreams of who they want to be and the chance to help them shape that with Jesus in their center. 

 

ellenstumbo.com/she-was-not-the-girl-we-imagined-and-fallen-in-love-with

Inconvenient

    Inconvenient to me often translates to "not fair".  Much of life often fits into this category.  Kids say it all the time to their friends, to their parents, and to anyone who doesn't do what they like.  Do we really lose that as we become adults or do we just call it something else?

    When I first saw the prompt of inconvenience, I had one thing come to mind.  As I read Ellen's post, I had a second thing come to mind.  Here are my two moments of "that's not fair".

    My first thought was of my new found life as a single mom sharing parenting with a husband who deeply hurt me with his choices and changed what our family had been. While I am glad that he wants to help raise his boys and I want them to keep a relationship with him, it is DEFINITELY inconvenient.  Not fair to my boys to have their world rocked when they are just starting into the end years of childhood and on the edge of teen hood.  Not fair to me having to do each day on my own and having all battles with no voice there to take over when mine is no longer being heard.  Not fair that when they are with their dad it seems so short to them.  Not fair that he often isn't able to be at their events.  All of it "just not fair".

    My second thought of "not fair" is the life of my second son.  His pregnancy was not something we thought would happen, then came at a time of incredible inconvenience.  We had just moved two states away with an 18 month old. Living with my mom and stepdad.  Trying to find jobs and find a place to live.  Hardly spending time in a way to even figure out how I could be pregnant.  Not the best time.  Then he is born and all is more settled and seems to be o.k.  Six month check up and the doctor says he is concerned and wants us to go have an MRI.  Blindsided!  So we go and what he must have thought came to be (he was at the hospital on a day he would have been in the office).  Hydrocephalus.  I didn't even know this could happen to babies if they weren't shaken.  He needs to go have surgery and a shunt placed.  This goes smoothly but 2 years later the effects of having a small tube in your brain shows.  Behaviors, lack of speech, and tantrums like I had never seen (I worked in special ed. and had seen plenty).  "Not fair"!  I can't even like this child, yet I have been given him as a gift.  What had I done to deserve a gift like this?  He didn't bond well so it was hard to bond with him.  He is not the child I thought I would have.  He was to be easier because he was the second and we had practice.  Many days when it has been battle after battle, all I can say is "this is not fair".  Inconvenient!

    In it all, it is God's plan for my life, for my boys' life, for my husband's life.  We each are walking a road He planned and knows we think it unfair.  He says "just hang in there and see how this all unfolds.  I know how it will end."  So, in it all I just trust.  I keep walking His road each day and waiting to see how it all turns out.  ellenstumbo.com/life-inconvenient

God's Light

    Have you ever seen a row of trees that are so thick along the side of the road that you can't see the light through them?  Then there is a spot as you come closer you see bright rays of sunlight shining down filtering in streaks through some of the branches.  It is a sweet thing to see and just makes you smile. 

    It reminds me that God is light that can shine through any amount of darkness.  Maybe not completely bright at first but able to show light through the dark a little at a time.  And it makes us feel lighter and smile more, too.  

      

In the Middle of the Night...

    Some of the best times and some of the toughest times come in the middle of the night. I went into labor with my first son in the middle of the night.  What an exciting event! Then I spent almost every night for the next year awake.  Tough to be so exhausted!

 

    Being awakened to that all too well known sound every parent has experienced.  First, the crying.  Then, the "mommy".  Ending in the clean up of stuff that should never come out of a cute little child's mouth.  Tough stuff!

 

    A baby's cry so you get up to nurse. The house is quiet, it is calm once you settle in with the baby. Suddenly, you realize how wonderful this time is and how it can never be replaced.  One day you won't have this time any more and you will miss it.  The best stuff! 

    You are awake and it is 3:00 a.m.  Yikes, tomorrow will be tough!  No matter what you can't get back to sleep.  You begin to pray.  As you pray, people are just brought to mind.  You now know why you are awake.  As you hear God's voice lead you, you relax.  The next thing you know it is morning and you feel more relaxed and refreshed than you would have thought.  The great stuff!

 

           ellenstumbo.com/cry-in-the-night

Rock It!

 

        I have two rocks in my life.  One who is my creator and always there and one who has been here when I needed her most.  Both have pulled me through some tough stuff.  I have  learned that neither I could do without.

     I have always been a person who has handled things on my own.  Didn't need much help

 from anyone.  An only child for 14 years of my life made it easy to take care of things and not ask for help.

      Then the unthinkable comes.  November 10, 2012.  A date it will take years and maybe never will go away.  It is brought to me that my husband of almost 14 years has been meeting with, touching, and seeking out other women--again.  This was time 3. 

     My  breath is taken away.  I find it hard to pray but know that is the only thing to

 make it make sense of any kind.  Then I make a text that shares my world with my friend,

 Sheila.  No idea at the time the rock she will become in my life.  I am only thinking I need

 someone who will pray and I know she will.  This began a friendship with someone who I

 had been sort of friends with before this. 

     She led me to rely on my first rock, Jesus.  She prayed for me until I could pray for myself.  She gave support through many phone calls, emails, texts, and meeting with me when I needed someone.  She made it safe to share.  No judgment.  Often no words, just listening.  A quiet room to hide in in the middle of my day.  An encourager when I thought I couldn't keep going.

     The rock I have depended on before this and have learned to lean on in new ways since

 this is Jesus.  My friend kept leading me back to Him in new ways.  He came for a week and

 was with me at my side.  It was like feeling like someone is there even before they speak.  I

 just knew He was there.  So real I could close my eyes and reach out and feel Him as a

 person there.  He followed me through each day.  At the end of the week I had a strength and a reliance on Him I had never had in this way before.  And it has continued since. 

      My two rocks have pulled me through so much and made things easier.  I still draw my

 daily strength from Jesus.  He helps me know how to handle the days with my boys.  He

 helps me meet the challenges in single parenting.  He is my guide each day. 

     My friend still checks with me regularly when she hasn't heard from me.  She knows

 things are o.k. for now but that there are some challenges yet to come.  She does the best

 thing a friend could do, pray for me.

      Without these rocks, my life would be so different.  I can't imagine a life without them. 

 Solid, strong, sure, and on my side.

 

 

   

ellenstumbo.com/confessions-pastors-wife-killed-my-church-rock

An Open Letter to God

An Open Letter to God

 

    Think, think, think...

 

An open letter to who?  Hmmm?

 

 

    And my Lord is the only place/person that comes to my mind.

 

    I have so many things going on in my life that make it nothing but questions.  Why do some families get given children that are "normal" and other families get given children with "special needs"?  Why do some marriages last forever and some barely last at all?  Why do You allow wars, earthquakes that bury a land, tornadoes and hurricanes that wipe out whole towns, states and countries?  And the questions could go on...

 

    Some of these You answer when I pray about them.  Many of these You say nothing about.  You often tell me "rely on Me".  You often say "trust Me, I made this world".  You often just says "trust".

 

    In it all I know that You are God!  This makes my heart be at peace. This gives me relief in knowing I don't need to know everything because You do.  I am filled with joy that can come from nowhere else.  Certainly not from the world filled with people ready to knock me down at every chance.

 

    All choices, all journeys and all of life can be done well if I remember to turn to You before...I do anything!  Even tough stuff becomes bearable with You as my guide.  You sit with me when no one else can or does.  You carry me when I don't think I can walk this road any more.  You hold my hand as long as I stay with You and don't try to run ahead of You or walk off the path on my own.

 

    You are my love, my life and my guider.  With You all things are possible.  There is strength I didn't think possible because it is not mine but Yours.  I thank you, God, for being my creator and knowing my life and where it is going.  I love You above all else.  I only wish to share You with everyone.  I long to be with You now and in eternity.

 

Your Created Being,

 

Me

 

 

   

 

ellenstumbo.com/open-letter-american-girl-company