Single Parent Struggles

    All the single parents out there, my heart goes out to you today.  This is a day when we celebrate the birth of Jesus, the Savior of us all.  And yet it is one of the toughest days when sharing parenting.  And then throw in  if you are not healthy. 

    I love time with my children and do value that they need time with their dad, too.  In the two years so far of this new journey in life, I have settled into how we spend our day.  Then I woke up with the worst cold I have had in a long time.  The only plus is that it isn't the awful flu many have had and it wasn't one of the boys.

    The tough part of it is what makes my heart remember all those other single parents out there.  On the news last night they talked about not cooking a meal if you are sick.  Not a luxury you have when it is just you.  How do you tell your children who have been looking forward to a big holiday meal that it won't happen.  They live with enough disappointment, they don't need that, too.

    So, you rest and sit around as much of the day as you can, you wash your hands-ALOT-, and pray they won't get it, and make a meal.  It is just the three of us so not spreading to anyone not already in contact with this guck. 

    And, the best part, is when you serve it, they LOVE it!  Yes, my picky meat eater loved the meat!  My picky sides eater loved the sides!  And there is enough left over to make meals for the next few days of break. 

    In the end, it was all worth it, and I feel lifted more than if I had disappointed them.  And, we still remember our Savior is really what it is all about.  We pray and thank Him for all we have.  He knows our single parent struggle and loves us through each day with His strength.  Hang in there and lean on Him.

Peace and Quiet

     Peace, quiet, aaahhh!  How often do we crave it and yet never seem to find it.  Our world is busy! 

This is what I am experiencing tonight.  It has been a long time (maybe 6 weeks) since having this much quiet at my house. 

How often does God wonder when He will get to experience the quiet of our voices, thoughts, and just to sit and be?  Does He have to wait 6 weeks for this from us?  Does He have to wait even longer?  Shouldn't He have that from us every day at some point?

The silence in my home is not always comfortable.  After about an hour, I am creating my own noise.  Radio, t.v., talking to myself out loud, talking to my dog.  Just to fill the space with some sound again.  Why?  Why can we not just let it be so quiet it hurts? 

In our silent times we should be seeking God and sharing our silence with Him.  We might just hear Him and all He has wanted to share with us for so long while so patiently waiting for our silence.

God's Greatness

 

    I had two sets of friends at the Grand Canyon on the same day.  One was visiting and showed pictures from the edge.  The other was hiking his way to the bottom and back up over the weekend. 

    Seeing pictures and looking at how immense it is makes me go to a place of awe.  God allowed this to be created.  Carved over so many years by the river that snakes through it.  Set in place by God's design in how our world works together. 

    Thinking of my friend and his brother sitting at the bottom of this immense expanse left me wondering.  When you wake up the next morning, crawl out of your tent, and look up what do you see?  Endless walls of rock rising so high you can't see the top?  The looking side to side and not seeing an end on either side?  Then the sky above it all. 

    The songs telling of God's love as so deep and so long and so high come to my mind.  Doesn't this show that to us in His creation.  Even the rocks cry out so that there is no doubt that what is there had to be made by God. 

    AWE!  That is the only word to really describe what happens when seeing this amazing part of our earth.

 

????????????

Do you ever have those times when you just don't know what is next or when you will know?  That is where I live right now.

I pray, I ask, I try to guess what God has in store.  So much is up in the air right now and I don't know how to respond to most of it.  I don't know when an answer will come. 

LIMBO!

I know that one day I will know what I need to as I need to.  I will eventually pray within God's will and all will fall into place.  The waiting is the hard part.  The unknown of how it will turn out and the fear of how it might turn out different than I think I want is hard.   Letting my heart hurt in the process is harder yet.

All is God's plan.  It will be good because He is good.

Have you seen God lately?

   Talking with a friend today, I realized that God has been at work in so many little ways for so many days and I just haven't seen it until talking about it all together.  Have you seen God lately?

    I wouldn't say that it isn't that I haven't seen God's hand at work for a long time or anything.  I just might not have really given Him the credit due for so many little answers until today.  He deserves all of our praise each day we get to be living in His presence.

    It starts with God putting my friend into my heart to pray for this morning and me in hers.  Being in the same building every day and yet barely seeing each other for weeks.  A quick passing some days but not a real conversation...until today.  God is giving her lead in taking our church through Easter in a new way, a person to pray for that she just knows a little and no idea why to pray for him only to find out he has been really struggling.  Only God can put that together.  To bring glory to Himself and remind us who our Creator is. 

    I can then say that I don't think I am supposed to lead anything after the women's study is done in a few weeks.  Only to say that I felt lead to organize a prayer time this summer while both pastors will be on a mission trip.  To have God tell me it is my own children I should spend the next season of life teaching then gives me lesson after lesson He wants brought to them.  I love when He gives me a whole lesson and all I have to do is obey and present it just as He leads.  Also, knowing that the women in this study have a desire to meet together throughout summer and to keep going and pushing each other.  Guess maybe when I have prayed what's next, God has given it to me.  A little at a time. 

    Sometimes we just have to sit with someone and start telling about our life and what we have been praying and what we see coming up in the future to see it.  To see God leading and putting together the next step.  Sometimes such baby steps we don't even see what He is working out.  Amazing!!!!  That is all it leaves me saying:   AMAZING!!!!!

Take a Deep Breath...

    Ever had one of those days that just tests you and wears you down?  Not even sure how to respond?  Just had one of those today.

    It started out a good day.  An ordinary day.  Both boys being o.k. and just moving through the day.  Then it happened...

    My younger son decided to defy me.  You could even call it challenge me.  In the privacy of our own home?   NO!  In a scout meeting.  Being physically aggressive to other boys so that they are all saying you are hurting them doesn't allow you to stay in the game, by the way.  "Please go sit down."   "NO!"  And the stance of you can't and won't make me and I am bigger than you.  Count down, 3-2-1," go sit down or no t.v."  "NO!"  "In your room for the rest of the day."  The look, the decision, then the going to sit down.  Finally.  Now the rest of the day looks tough.

    Come home and send him to his room.  Follow through that eats a parent up sometimes.  Needs to happen but we hate it, too.  So will they some day when they are the parent.  Minutes later, the shatter of glass.  Broken window.  Wow, what anger over something that could have been a 5 minute sitting out of one round of game and over.  Now you get to live with the window letting all of the outside into your room.  It is cold today.  Birds love to perch all over our house.  I am sure they will join you. 

    Luck.  One storm window to pull down left.  Guess the outside gets to stay out and the heat gets to stay in.  I am hoping it accomplished what he was hoping for.  He said he didn't know what he was hoping to get by doing that.  I would guess he was hoping I would be really mad.  Instead I am just sad.  Sad for a boy who thinks he can make me quit loving him.  Sad for a boy who is confused and hurt and doesn't know how else to show it.  How can you get mad at that.  I calmly had a good talk with him about it not hurting me but only him. 

    That no matter what he does or says or acts like I will still love him.  And say it again later at bedtime for good measure. 

    And that is how it turned into one of those days that tests you and wears you down.  I am thankful that Jesus is there to pour out to.  To ask what to do to help him.  To ask Him to watch over this boy.  To heal him in a way no one else can.  Thank you, Jesus, for just being there to keep me calm and to ask how to guide my boys.

Religion and Philosophy in the Mediterranean

    Paul was very active in spreading Christianity throughout the Mediterranean.  He established churches in the Southern provinces of Asia Minor (modern day Turkey).  These included Cilicia (Paul's home-Tarsus), Galatia (received one of Paul's earliest letters), and Asia (Ephesus was capital).  He also founded churches in Philippi and Thessalonica.

    Worship would have been filled with the sounds of flutes, smells of meat in the market, and speakers making a good show before the crowd to be praised by them. 

    He was  different sharing the gospel with the Gentile world.  He proclaimed that Jesus was the only Savior, not the emperor or any of their gods.  He spoke powerfully and pointedly to the Mediterranean people.  He offered hope.  

    He traveled with others for protection (Acts 13:5).  The travelers preferred to stay in private homes because the food and accommodations were safer (Acts 16:15, 17:5-7).  The virtue of hospitality was highly prized (1 Peter 4:9).

    The early Christians were willing to take many risks to travel and spread the gospel.  They often sailed on cargo ships (no passenger ships available) which were not an easy way of travel but often the fastest.  They took these risks because they believed they were responding to Jesus' commission to "be witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea, and in Samaria, and to the ends of the earth" (Acts 1:8).  They had a conviction that there was only one God who created all men so they were responsible to him (Acts17:24-31; 1 Cor 8:4-6). 

    The risks they were willing to take and their willingness to have no permanent home showed how they believed in the gospel.  They believed it was their job to share this with all they could.  So different from us but were they really?

   

   

Forgiveness......and Grace

    I have recently been through a rough week.  One where I spent some of it trying to live in the past and some of it trying to live in the future.  None of it trying to live in the present.  This brings Satan on like nothing else, by the way.

    Ever have those times when you just can't seem to forgive yourself?  Through sharing this week with a great friend, I found out I wasn't forgiving myself.  Do you know God has already forgiven us?  Why then can we sometimes not forgive ourselves?

    I learned that by not forgiving myself, I am refusing what God has already given freely--GRACE!
He can forgive me.  I had already recognized my part in my mess.  I had already asked forgiveness for it.  He has already covered my sin and moved on.  He is already trying to lead me down the path of my life that He has next for me.  I was standing still while He beckoned from ahead.

    Receive the grace God has given.  Grace is the undeserved forgiveness of ALL we have done and could ever do.  It is a free gift just by believing in Him, His son Jesus, and accepting it.  Just reach out and take the present.  Unwrap it and live in a freedom you can't imagine.

Your Calling

  "Do you know what God has called you to?"   This was asked by my pastor in his last sermon.  I do love any time a sermon is spoken or a class is taught  because it makes me think in new ways.  A great time of learning what God is asking and leading.

    I could stand when he asked.  I have had a year and a half to do nothing but pour out to God all that I have in me, all of my questions, and my life that needs remade in a new way.  I know what God is asking of me and has called  me to at this time.  Could you stand and say,  "yes, I know what God has called me to?"  If not, ask Him.  It could be the peace you are searching for.

    As I stood further evaluating what He has called me to (in case I had to answer it out loud right then) I found there are 4 things He is asking of my life right now.

    1.  Raise my 2 boys in the best way I know how.  It will not be the way that is popular, even with them.  Show them Jesus, teach them about God's world, and that the Word is truth.  All this in an attempt to 6  Train a child in the way he should go, When he is old, he will not turn away from it.   Proverbs 22:6

   2.  Teach all that I have learned to someone.  I have done many jobs in my life.  I am happiest and most fulfilled and love to go to work each day when I am with kids.  This is what God has created me for.  Sharing all I can about Him in some way each day with young people who might not see Him or hear of Him otherwise.  Also, to share with those who  have a heart for teaching, too.

    3. Serve in the body of Christ by sharing what I am learning with someone.  Teaching all ages and different groups of people over time has brought me to a place of relying on God continually.  I want to share what He wants me to and with who He wants me to.  I also continue to seek learning for myself to add to my knowledge. I also share what I have experienced of His character in my own life. 

    4.  Continue with mission trips to share with others about Jesus.  I have only gone on one trip at this point but have always supported missions for others.  My boys are getting to a great age to show them the other parts of the world God has created.  Open their hearts to how others live and how to share Jesus with them.  This, of course, ties in with #1 above.

    When asked if we were living out our call it was harder to stay standing.  I knew that God has been working on me about another mission trip and to take my older son with.  I have been dragging my feet.  Obedience is not always the easy path.  I went home and sent an email to get that ball rolling.  Nothing like God using your pastor to call you out in front of all other believers to bring you to follow what He has been asking.  Next time I will be more able to stand completely.

    Will God change some of these things as life goes on and changes?  Don't know.  Luckily if I just continue to have a relationship with Him, seek His will for my life each day, and then listen and be obedient, I will be able to always stand to say, "yeah, I know His call for me!"

   

Do You Know How Amazing God Is?!

  

  Our pastor about a month ago now spoke during part of his sermon about why we aren't amazed by God more often.  I still remember thinking, I am amazed by Him all the time!  I do remember life when I wasn't.  When I forgot to be.  Here are some of the things that have happened in just two weeks of life that just leave me saying, "God, You are sooooo amazing!"

    Two weeks ago the Lord gave me two verses to start praying over my boys daily.  The idea came from a devotion.  The verses chosen were given by God.  One of these verses I had hanging in my dining room, where we spend much time walking past and can see it often, that then said this is one for them.  The other came out of looking for one to use out of the suggestions given.   Both are about overcoming evil with good.  At this same time I felt led to ask some people I hadn't before to pray for my boys and my about to be ex-husband.  Two weeks later, now, I see what God was setting up as true protection for my boys.  Their dad has a new girlfriend in his life who took it upon herself to yell at me in public.  Thankfully my boys were not there to witness this.  It was so full of untruths and evil.  I knew that this was what God was protecting them against.  She has been with them for a month now when they are with him.  This was our first meeting and happened to be taking care of an issue during which their dad and I were fine but she was not.  God is soooo amazing!

    In this same two week time I was praying along with a friend for her son.  He is off at college and just struggling with adjusting but is strong in his faith.  The Lord brought to me what I call a mini sermon along with a picture to draw to illustrate it. I felt I was to write it down and share it with him.   I  passed it to her and told her to share it with him as she saw fit.  It turned out he was to be home to visit in an hour or so.  Later that night I got a text from her.  She shared the conversation they had been having, through text, of course, it is 2014.  It was amazing that God had used just that little bit that I was almost scared to share to open a floodgate that needed opening.  Amazing!

    Also, during this time this same boy had a friend he has known most of his life, done sports with, and done life with ask him to come to a neighboring college and talk to him because he had questions about the Bible.  Of course, he went right away.  He spent a long time explaining why Jesus came and what He has done for us.  Over the next week or so there were many of these conversations.  The roommate of the boy asking also knows Jesus as Savior in his life.  He asked his roommate to borrow his Bible.  The next day these two boys bought their friend his own Bible, had it engraved with his name on the cover, and wrapped it and left it for him.  He was in awe and loved it.  Before was all done, the about to be newly saved boy texted and asked for my friend, the first boys mom, to come and talk with him.  She  went. The four of them sat together as  he accepted Christ.  It was sweet to hear all of this and see how these young boys out on their own for the first time witnessing to their friend.  All are absolutely amazed at our God!

    Just look around.  Listen to your friends.  Open your heart.  Ask Jesus to let you see His presence in our world.  He will and you will live in a place of amazement every day.  The more amazing thing, it isn't even close to what it will be like when we meet Him in heaven one day!
 


 
 

Musings...

    So, here is my pondering...


I have noticed that many lead Sunday School.  What I have noticed is that those who lead adult Sunday School tend not to be people who attend Sunday School.  There are those times when one of us might not be leading a class but yet don't attend one when we aren't.  Why is that?  I am noticing in my own heart that I am not willing to sit in just any class with just anyone leading it.  Why?  Is it a sign of spiritual maturity or immaturity?  Do I find some people worthy of learning from and not others?  And yet I know some of the most "on fire" Christians are the newest believers.  As leaders we want people to come to our classes and it gives us a measure of whether or not we are successful as class leaders.  So, why wouldn't we be filling someone else's class to help them feel worth it?  Will pray this through in my own heart.  And am one to sit in on a class just because I love to be in a corporate setting soaking in any little tidbit that is a new perspective.  It keeps me moving and alive!  Not all work this way, I know.  Just thinking out loud to others who sit in same place as me.  Thoughts...?

Give Thanks Acrostic

God is #1

Invitation to His kingdom

Victory!

Eternity


Today

Health

Absolute joy!

Notes of love

Kisses from my kids

Salvation

writing prompt from  ellenstumbo.com/thankfulness-post

I Will Never...(writing prompt)

    Oh, how many times I said these words.  In the 18 years as a nanny before my own kids, I had it all figured out.  I will never passed out of my lips almost daily.  Wow, have I ever, plus some!

    I was with one family for 10 years.  And two other families and a Montessori school.  I had many children's parents to say how I would never about.

    I will never let my children go without a haircut so long.  This poor child can hardly see because of how long their bangs are.  It's not that hard to take 30 mins. to get their haircut.  Fast forward.  My sons often need their haircut for weeks before they get it.  Fitting it into a day, week, or month is not easy. 

    I will never let my kids come home 10 mins. late and not have a consequence.  No wonder they behave they way they do for them.  If they would just lay down the law the kids would be more respectful toward them.  Spoken like a real pro, huh?  My oldest son is often 5-10 mins. late, apologizes, and we move on.  Maybe he would show more respect and less mouth if I were tougher with this.  Or, it has a lot to do with the age and fact that hormone surges start at the same time we are letting them experiment with some freedom.  Hmmm.

    I will never let my kids go without washing their sheets every week.  If they complain about being itchy in their bed, I will take care of it.  Then I got the hyper sensitive tactile kid.  Fresh sheets just put on and he is all about how he can't sleep on them because they make him itch.  Please put the blanket that is soft on top and I will sleep on that.  O.k., so I am not changing the bed daily because of Mr. Picky.  Guess I have joined the ranks of that mom.

    I will never let my kids sleep all night with their light on.  Don't you know they can't sleep well and will still be tired in the morning.  Oh, and by the way, they will never sleep in my bed to help with this either.  My oldest slept with us until he was 6.  Pretty much nightly and all night.  At 6 he started to some nights sleep in his bed all night.  I, of course, panicked at that because something must be wrong.  He has a night light that looks like day light in his room and yet many times I find at some point in the night he turned on his overhead light and slept.  Guess what, he was more rested than he would have been laying in fear all night.  I still slept fine, and our day starts.

    If only I still had it figured out like I did before they were mine.  And before Jesus showed me judging others may not be the best choice of how to go about life.  All the I will nevers are now being passed on to me.  I am now on the receiving end.  Many neighbors with younger kids point fingers and say it.  And yet as their kids are reaching the ages mine were when they moved in, they are.  And those with older kids point and say mine didn't do that when they were that age or that they didn't do it at all.  We were outside with our then younger children.  Guess what, they did do those things at the ages mine are now, and they did do those things, I saw it. 

    As long as life goes on we will always say I will never about something.  Few of those things will you actually never.  And I still think back to the wisdom that the now friend that I nannied for used to share about parenting.  She was able to see what really mattered to her for her children to learn and be like.  The rest she was able to let slide.  I try to do much of the same.  It is part of being the parent and showing love to your children.

    I will never be one of those bloggers...http://www.ellenstumbo.com/i-really-thought-i-would-never-end-up-here/

Silent, Masked

    A conversation with the teacher I work with brought this post.  We are in a special education classroom.  We have spent time with kids with all sorts of delays.  Many of them what we call silent or masked.  She sometimes forgets that I am the parent of one of those kids.  She never says anything hurtful, only that sometimes it would be easier for the families if the delays were for a noticeable reason to the outside world.

    This leads me to my part in this conversation of agreeing with her.  My second son was born with hydrocephalus (water on the brain).  No reason except a birth defect to be found for it.  Still didn't stop the years of guilt about my diet or energy level during pregnancy ( I had a very active 2 year old).  I often have wished that his delay was something outward that people could see.  His shunt was placed when he was young enough that he caught up with his head growth by 2 years old. 

   There are many outward things that people did and do see.  The fits he used to throw everywhere we went and constantly.  If I had ever seen them coming or could figure out what sparked them, believe me, I would have done what I could to control the situation.  These were nothing compared to the ones we got at home (lasting 30 mins. every 10-15 mins.).  They were loud, involved kicking, screaming, biting, and trying to bang your head with his.  I know by the fact that DHS was called on us, that people saw it as us hurting him because of how we would have to carry him out of places any way we could get hold of him. He wouldn't stay in a cart, so just driving him out wasn't usually an option.

    Many years and much work by many people altogether, his behaviors look much different.  I do know I am lucky in this.  I know many of you who deal with our younger behaviors your child's whole life.  I try hard on my toughest days to remember where we have been and where many people still are.  He now sits in a regular education classroom with only a behavior teacher's backup when needed.  This is only when he refuses to work and just shuts down and is asked to take his work to the other classroom until the next class period.  In third grade, this very rarely happens.  The behaviors look more like anger that still often doesn't make sense to the situation.  Blaming others for many things he was at fault for.  This seems normal for a 9 year old, you say.  Maybe, except it is every day in every situation.  Very different than my oldest and all other 9 year olds I have dealt with.  He decides to act this out by doing things like stuffing full rolls of toilet paper down each toilet in the bathroom. MORE THAN ONCE, MORE THAN TWICE, THREE TIMES!  This buys you a ticket to the principal's office for your lunch and recess.  Not a great idea.

    I so often am jealous of my friends who have children with Down's Syndrome, Cerebral Palsy, and any outwardly seen delay.  At least when they act up in some way, people don't judge you the bad parent of the year.  I know other challenges come with this.  I have been around long enough to know that.  Just some days when the battle is still so outward and loud (Reno deals with nothing quietly) and no one can see anything other than an unruly child with an obviously far too lenient and maybe uncaring parent, I wish for that short time that it was obvious to the rest of the world. 

    In the end I am thankful for the child I have.  I am thankful that he has the ability to come so far.  I am so glad that I have had the speech therapists, OT, and teachers he has had that have helped him become who he is.  They have helped me with new ways of helping him at home.  It has definitely taken a village and will continue to.  There is still so far to go to hopefully let go of the anger that makes no sense some days. 

    This is why I, and many in my classroom, say it is sometimes easier when the delay is "seen".  People are more willing to help and give you a break when things don't go well.  And give the kids the help they need and long for instead of seeing them as the tough kid in the classroom.  

    I will let God lead my son, me, my family.  He will show me how to teach them about Jesus and how to live as He wants.  Praying that He is invited into their hearts for their whole life.  That He will be the one to help Reno become who God wants him to be.  I will rejoice in being given the "hidden delay" to deal with.  Guess He knew I would be able to meet the challenge or it wouldn't have been given to me.  This alone is a privilege, to be trusted with a tough task by our Creator.  What trust!  I can only trust Him that much in return.  And be glad my son is who he is even silent and masked to the outside world.

Choices...

    Making a choice is one of the hardest things we do in life. It always brings about some sort of change. How do you make yours?  I always have to evaluate my choices after I make them.  Were they good, were they bad, did I have to make it that quickly/slowly?

    My least favorite way to have to make choices is in response to someone else's choices.  When someone you love makes a choice that changes everything, you then have to follow that up with a choice of your own.  Those choices feel so forced at the time and are ones that I try hard to get someone else to make for me.  Often trying to convince them to point to the choice only to find out they will only help me aim toward my own choice.  Still all mine to make.  Yuck!

    I love the choices that you have time to really pray over.  I feel I have all the time in the world to come to a decision.  These choices are fun!  Often they lead to huge life changes but don't feel at all uncomfortable to make.  They feel very planned and thought out.  When they finally become reality it is a relief and exciting!

    All I know is that in all choices, they go much better if I pray about them first.  It doesn't matter how big or small.  God just asks that we ask Him in all things.  Then continue to seek Him as the change from our choices happen.  So, since I can't avoid making choices, I will do my best to ask the One in charge of the path my life will take.  Life just goes better this way. 
 
 
  http://www.ellenstumbo.com/we-chose-to-adopt-a-child-special-needs/

By a Thread

    I'm holding on by a thread.  This is how it feels most days. A feeling I am not used to.  I am the even keeled one.  Not the one only holding on by a thread.

    A separation that was unwanted, unexpected, and so against how I thought life would be.  I am holding on...

    Little boys who think they are big.  Not big enough to deal well with all that life has just dealt them.  I can't understand it most days, how can they?  We are holding on...

    One child who has such animosity toward me.  I give him the care and love that I know how each day.  Try to keep my patience no matter what he brings that day.  Try to stay consistent knowing it is best for him.  He throws all the "bad" that he can think of each day at me.  I am holding on...

    A friend who shares a heart wrenching part of her life.  All I can do is pray and hope God hears and reveals Himself in it.  That He brings clarity to her.  I am sad with her and can't imagine being where she is.  I am holding on...

    In it all I know that the thread I am holding on to is attached to Jesus.  Maybe His robe, maybe His hair, maybe He is just holding the other end.  All I know is it is how I do each day.  I am holding on...ellenstumbo.com/im-living-the-contradiction

First Impressions

    Flying into the airport, it looked like any other.  A long runway made of some road material, planes of all sizes scattered about, and an airport to pull up to and unload.  Placed in the Dominican Republic.

    Entering the airport, I now knew it was different.  Small, so full of people it was cramped, and a little scary since I had never traveled outside of the U.S. before.  My first mission trip.  If I can just pass inspection.  The only impression to make was that they thought I was respectful to them and that I looked like my passport picture.

    Before leaving we had learned about how things might look different or might be different from what we are used to.  Meeting our ride, the taxi was already different.  Driving was an adventure of its own.  If you honk more and are bigger (thank goodness we were) then you get to go first on the road. 

    Lots of run down houses and trash everywhere you look.  This is my first encounter with this tropical place.  You think tropical and great vacations in fancy resorts on beautiful beaches enter your mind.  This was not the picture I was seeing.  How can we make any difference for people who have to live here?

    The hotel room looks like any I have been in except for the tile only floor.  Home for the next week.  Looks like it will be o.k.  Later to find out that hot water is over rated.  And toilets only flush when they feel like it. 

    Meeting the kids in the first village lined with shacks was like meeting kids anywhere I have ever been.  They enjoyed the same games, fought with each other, played with each other, and ignored their parent's plea to come home for lunch.  They had different skin color and went home to no air conditioning, but they were like all kids I knew.

    I quickly learned that I was in another world with different social rules to follow (especially being a woman) and different ideas of homes, how to travel (many motor bikes), and how schools ran.  However, families are families.  They have parents who care for their kids, schools for them to learn in, and daily routines to follow.  I only hoped that we were able to bring Jesus into their life for the short time we were there.

    First impressions don't always reveal all that is there.  It would have been easy to go back to the comfort we were used to.  Oh, but what we would have missed out on by not meeting these kids with big dreams of who they want to be and the chance to help them shape that with Jesus in their center. 

 

ellenstumbo.com/she-was-not-the-girl-we-imagined-and-fallen-in-love-with

Inconvenient

    Inconvenient to me often translates to "not fair".  Much of life often fits into this category.  Kids say it all the time to their friends, to their parents, and to anyone who doesn't do what they like.  Do we really lose that as we become adults or do we just call it something else?

    When I first saw the prompt of inconvenience, I had one thing come to mind.  As I read Ellen's post, I had a second thing come to mind.  Here are my two moments of "that's not fair".

    My first thought was of my new found life as a single mom sharing parenting with a husband who deeply hurt me with his choices and changed what our family had been. While I am glad that he wants to help raise his boys and I want them to keep a relationship with him, it is DEFINITELY inconvenient.  Not fair to my boys to have their world rocked when they are just starting into the end years of childhood and on the edge of teen hood.  Not fair to me having to do each day on my own and having all battles with no voice there to take over when mine is no longer being heard.  Not fair that when they are with their dad it seems so short to them.  Not fair that he often isn't able to be at their events.  All of it "just not fair".

    My second thought of "not fair" is the life of my second son.  His pregnancy was not something we thought would happen, then came at a time of incredible inconvenience.  We had just moved two states away with an 18 month old. Living with my mom and stepdad.  Trying to find jobs and find a place to live.  Hardly spending time in a way to even figure out how I could be pregnant.  Not the best time.  Then he is born and all is more settled and seems to be o.k.  Six month check up and the doctor says he is concerned and wants us to go have an MRI.  Blindsided!  So we go and what he must have thought came to be (he was at the hospital on a day he would have been in the office).  Hydrocephalus.  I didn't even know this could happen to babies if they weren't shaken.  He needs to go have surgery and a shunt placed.  This goes smoothly but 2 years later the effects of having a small tube in your brain shows.  Behaviors, lack of speech, and tantrums like I had never seen (I worked in special ed. and had seen plenty).  "Not fair"!  I can't even like this child, yet I have been given him as a gift.  What had I done to deserve a gift like this?  He didn't bond well so it was hard to bond with him.  He is not the child I thought I would have.  He was to be easier because he was the second and we had practice.  Many days when it has been battle after battle, all I can say is "this is not fair".  Inconvenient!

    In it all, it is God's plan for my life, for my boys' life, for my husband's life.  We each are walking a road He planned and knows we think it unfair.  He says "just hang in there and see how this all unfolds.  I know how it will end."  So, in it all I just trust.  I keep walking His road each day and waiting to see how it all turns out.  ellenstumbo.com/life-inconvenient

God's Light

    Have you ever seen a row of trees that are so thick along the side of the road that you can't see the light through them?  Then there is a spot as you come closer you see bright rays of sunlight shining down filtering in streaks through some of the branches.  It is a sweet thing to see and just makes you smile. 

    It reminds me that God is light that can shine through any amount of darkness.  Maybe not completely bright at first but able to show light through the dark a little at a time.  And it makes us feel lighter and smile more, too.  

      

In the Middle of the Night...

    Some of the best times and some of the toughest times come in the middle of the night. I went into labor with my first son in the middle of the night.  What an exciting event! Then I spent almost every night for the next year awake.  Tough to be so exhausted!

 

    Being awakened to that all too well known sound every parent has experienced.  First, the crying.  Then, the "mommy".  Ending in the clean up of stuff that should never come out of a cute little child's mouth.  Tough stuff!

 

    A baby's cry so you get up to nurse. The house is quiet, it is calm once you settle in with the baby. Suddenly, you realize how wonderful this time is and how it can never be replaced.  One day you won't have this time any more and you will miss it.  The best stuff! 

    You are awake and it is 3:00 a.m.  Yikes, tomorrow will be tough!  No matter what you can't get back to sleep.  You begin to pray.  As you pray, people are just brought to mind.  You now know why you are awake.  As you hear God's voice lead you, you relax.  The next thing you know it is morning and you feel more relaxed and refreshed than you would have thought.  The great stuff!

 

           ellenstumbo.com/cry-in-the-night